(Source: protokol)
I have two moods
One is highly sophisticated intellectual who goes into complex thoughts and is always moody and deep
the other is an immature 5 year old that doesn’t know how to control herself or her language or her actions
there is no inbetween
(Source: carry-on-my-consulting-tardis)
(Source: bella-fuckin-metallica)
Remember that time Gandalf convinced the whole party to flee so that he could take out the Balrog and not have to share any of the XP? Shows up the next session with fancy new robes and everything. What a jerk.
Loot whore.
you gotta hand it to a guy who can solo a boss
This post has been featured on a 1000notes.com blog.
(Source: camf825)
This post has been featured on a 1000notes.com blog.
FUCK
(Source: allison-chains)
(Source: flowauh)
ALL THE AWARDS
HOW IS CROWNS FLOAT
I have two moods
One is highly sophisticated intellectual who goes into complex thoughts and is always moody and deep
the other is an immature 5 year old that doesn’t know how to control herself or her language or her actions
there is no inbetween
(Source: carry-on-my-consulting-tardis)
cover the middle and you go faster, cover the outside and you go slower
it actually works
This post has been featured on a 1000notes.com blog.
(Source: unexplainedcinema)
i was sitting in the bathroom today when like 5 girls walked in and i stopped pooping right away cause i didn’t want them to hear me but then i thought why is taking a shit so bastardized today like why cant i poop in peace in the privacy of my own stall without caring if people listen to the flop flop plop plop sploosh sploosh like damn just sing along to the ploop blop and enjoy symphony no. 9 a la my asshole
A 7 year old boy in Virginia was suspended from school after he pointed his pencil at a fellow student and said, “bang!” Even worse, he pointed at another student and said, “would not bang.”
(Source: sethmeyers)
Alright first of all…I invented water; you've probably drank it, or swam in it before - yea, that stuff... I made that. You're welcome.
I am a retired astronaut
I've competed in the UFC professionally, I'm undefeated inside the octagon.
I can fly, no you can't see.
I'm Married to Batman
I can dance very well, it's 98% likely that I've got much better rhythm than you do.
Your family wanted to adopt me when we were kids but my parents beat yours in a karate tournament.
I can answer the mysteries of the universe - just ask me.
I get presents on your birthday, from your friends, if they're mutual friends, I get your present.
President Obama voted for me in the most recent presidential election, so did John McCain.
I punched a shark in the face and made it cry on more than one occasion.
When I was a kid, I single handedly built a time machine and stopped Hitler from winning WWII. Yea... you're welcome, world.
I look directly into the sun, absorb the sunlight and then use it to see in the dark later.
I was offered the Nobel Peace Prize over seventeen times in my young adult life, but I do not enjoy media attention. For this reason I also won American Idol season 1, but they could not air the footage.
The character of Indiana Jones was loosely based on my adventures in Archaeology, they toned it down for a PG rating.
I'm fireproof.
The devil sold his soul to me, I gave it Justin Bieber.
I helped develop philosophy.
I designed the blueprints for The Sphinx
I beat Stephen Hawking @ the science fair.
I smell great.
I'm awesome.
Fly by Dream Themes
